i’ve tried so long to get rid a monster in me. i know she was there, sleeping. and sometimes she wakes up and throwing everything away. she wakes up and ruin everything; my plans, my dreams, my works, and even let me lose the battle and make me lost everything i had. i am a happy heart once and she turned me into a witch who bleed black. so i’m trying so hard to get rid of her. i always remind myself that there is a monster inside of me. i can’t lose control because i’ll wake her up. i can’t be mad because she’ll know and turns everything into a mess.
i hate her so much. i cried a lot and begging the universe to kill her and let me live at peace. i would look at the mirror and see her. i yell at her, curse her. i hope she dies while i cry, cleaning up the mess she made.
and one day, i look at the mirror and i don’t see her anymore. i look deep into my eyes. there’s no her.
i only see me.
after all the hatred on her, after all the cries and prayers begging for her death.. o, after all this time i don’t want to live in a one body with her.
i finally only see me.
and then i smile, but all i can see is a grin.
that’s when i realize she is not inside of me anymore.
i am her.
i am the monster.